Hopeless Nerd?

A guy friend was telling me how he was on the verge of giving up on dating girls forever over coffee at Starbucks recently. He was explaining that girls seem too much of a mystery to him and was beginning to suspect that he was just a hopeless nerd. He is not the first guy (or girl for that matter) to confess that to me. I am certainly no love guru and have never claimed to be one, but being a friend, I tried to offer a few suggestions:

1. You don't have to be celebrity kind of good looking but pleasant grooming helps. Simple grooming like clothes and shoes you wear, as well as your haircut matters. Being neat and clean (clean shaven too) is generally most accepted. If you're unsure about fashion, go with a friend to pick clothes.



2. Watch what you say. Stick with some general topics of interest, especially when meeting someone new, like for example, food in Singapore. Avoid making negative comments or being over critical about any topic.



3. Lastly, go find a girl. Picking up a love interest from a bar or pub doesn't quite cut it. There are many places to meet someone and even events organised by SDU (Social Development Unit) should be considered. Make friends for you would never know who you might end up with.

OR you can watch this entertaining video here.

Good Luck!

Summer Solstice

It started out as idle chatting about the current world economy (how predictable) and soon my middle-aged friends were discussing about the future. Having seen much of the world around them, and how several of their peers have fared in these bad economic times, they felt it was probably better to lead a simple life. By that they meant, it was pointless to pursue the high life; it's better just living comfortably within your own means without having a need for a lavish lifestyle. After all, happiness can come from living life simply.

Perhaps an easier way is to explain is through this song or story by Lobo - Stoney

One minute of fame

Okto, Singapore's latest free-to-air channel is holding the auditions for their programme "One Minute of Fame". The programme provides a platform for kids (either as individuals or in groups) to discover their talents by having one minute to perform and impress the judges and viewers.

It made me recall an almost prophetic quote from late American Pop Art painter, Andy Warhol - "Everyone will be famous for 15 minutes."

With the way the society is headed, it seems everyone wants to be famous, even for a while. And who knows it's possible, that everyone gets to be a celebrity in their own rights and be remembered for something special or unique that they've done (be it good or bad). There might come a day when everyone would get their one minute of fame on the mass media (be it the television, print or even the Internet).

What is fame? The advantage of being known by people of whom you yourself know nothing, and for whom you care as little. - Leszczynski Stanislaus

Indeed fame is something like an honour that is bestowed upon you by others. Fame itself is not your achievement, and neither is it an intrinsic quality but rather a external perception or image formed by others over what you have done or accomplished. In some ways it is beyond your control, a by-product of doing something exceptionally well (or in some cases, exceptionally bad) or possibly arising from an excellent self-marketing effort.

If that's the case, why have so many people become so lost and caught up in the pursuit of fame, when they really should be focusing on doing better what brought them the fame in the first place? Perhaps it's just all the perks and glamour that their fame brings them.

Just as I am

I had attended a seminar recently and the topic of human relationships was being discussed. A question was raised about what does it mean when someone says the 3 magic words, "I love you"? Is it possible to fall in love with someone you've met only for the first time or probably just for a few times?

Yes, it is possible and the love experienced at that moment in time is most likely a psycho-physiological response or to put it simply, a rush of emotions. Usually, it would lead you to want to get to know that someone better and in due course, after knowing that someone better, a long term relationship could be possibly formed (or possibly not as well). That would be the time when the rational-spiritual part takes over; it is the time of accepting that someone for who he/she is, all the good and all the imperfections; it is being able to care for that someone without the need for reward.

The so-called love that most people are searching for is usually the long term kind described above. If that is the case, the only way to really love someone is to know that someone first. So what do you mean when you say, "I love you"? Here is a song while you think about it:

Air Supply - Just as I am


I've had a lot of big dreams
I've made a lot of bad moves
I know you could walk away
But you never do
I've met a lot of cold hearts
I've learned to smile and deceive
I know I'm hard to be around
But you never leave
I'm not easy to understand
But you hold out your hand

*Chorus
And you say you love me
Just as I am
You always treat me
The best that you can
You say you want me, need me
Love me, baby
Just as I am, just as I am

I've made a lot of heartaches
I've found a lot of closed doors
When all the others turn away
You love me more, you love me more
I'm not easy to understand
But you hold out your hand

*Chorus

I want to love forever
To keep our world together
And be the best that I can be
Baby, every time the world caves in on me

*Chorus

Allegory

I came across this story about charity and justice:

One summer in the village, the people gathered for a picnic. As they shared food and conversation, someone noticed a baby in the river, struggling and crying. The baby was going to drown!

Someone rushed to save the baby. Then, they noticed another screaming baby in the river, and they pulled that baby out. Soon, more babies were seen drowning in the river, and the townspeople were pulling them out as fast as they could. It took great effort, and they began to organise their activities in order to save the babies as they came down the river. As everyone else was busy in the rescue efforts to save the babies, two of the townspeople started to run away along the shore of the river.

“Where are you going?” shouted one of the rescuers. “We need you here to help us save these babies!”

“We are going upstream to stop whoever is throwing them in!”

What would you have done if you were picnicking nearby? Would you have helped to rescue the babies out of the water, or helped by going upstream to stop babies from being thrown in? Or possibly be a bystander and do nothing at all?

"The world is not dangerous because of those who do harm but because of those who look at it without doing anything" - Albert Einstein

Happy Vesak Day!

Vesak Day is an annual holiday which is being celebrated in Singapore today. The word Vesak itself is the Sinhalese language word as in Mahayana Buddhist traditions, it is known by its Sanskrit name, Vaiśākha.

At the first Conference of the World Fellowship of Buddhists held in Sri Lanka in 1950, it was formalised to celebrate Vesak as the Buddha’s birthday. The Resolution that was adopted is as follows:

“That this Conference of the World Fellowship of Buddhists, while recording its appreciation of the gracious act of His Majesty, the Maharaja of Nepal in making the full-moon day of Vesak a Public Holiday in Nepal, earnestly requests the Heads of Governments of all countries in which large or small number of Buddhists are to be found, to take steps to make the full-moon day in the month of May a Public Holiday in honour of the Buddha, who is universally acclaimed as one of the greatest benefactors of Humanity.”

On Vesak Day, Buddhists all over the world commemorate events of significance to Buddhists of all traditions: The birth, enlightenment and the passing away of Gautama Buddha. Devout Buddhists and followers alike are expected and requested to assemble in their various temples before dawn for the ceremonial, and honorable, hoisting of the Buddhist flag and the singing of hymns in praise of the holy triple gem: The Buddha, The Dharma (his teachings), and The Sangha (his disciples). Devotees may bring simple offerings of flowers, candles and joss-sticks to lay at the feet of their teacher. These symbolic offerings are to remind followers that just as the beautiful flowers would wither away after a short while and the candles and joss-sticks would soon burn out, so too is life subject to decay and destruction. Devotees are enjoined to make a special effort to refrain from killing of any kind and thus are encouraged to partake of vegetarian food for the day.

Beautifully Imperfect

I was in the cinema when this commercial launched by the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS) was shown just before the movie:



The commercial urges people to look at relationships in a different light, through a woman at her husband's funeral. It celebrates the beautiful imperfections that make a relationship perfect. Overall it is wonderfully done commercial that meets the ministry's objective of promoting the importance and value of family bonding.

Laid Back

In these times of weak global economy, many companies are faced with a slowdown. Many employees are experiencing a low period and some firms have adopted a shorter work period for their staff, in the form of lesser or no overtime work, as well as no pay leave and/or voluntary leave.

Many of those who are used to working long hard hours, find themselves all of a sudden left stranded high and dry. Yet those who view it positively will find that this is a golden opportunity to catch up on other aspects of life. Some have taken the chance to further their education by taking up courses, etc. Some have decided to spend more time with their loved ones. It is indeed a good break to have. Haven't you forgotten the times when you were so busy that you were begging for a break? Now that it is here, shouldn't you cherish it?

As with any job, there will be busy times and times when work is more comfortably manageable. It is a good time to catch your breath and relax. Even I had decided to clear my leave to lay back and listen to some bossa nova music:

Bebel Gilberto ~ So Nice


Someone to hold me tight
That would be very nice
Someone to love me right
That would be very nice
Someone to understand
Each little dream in me
Someone to take my hand
And be a team with me

So nice, life would be so nice
If one day I'd find
Someone who would take my hand
And samba through life with me

Someone to cling to me
Stay with me right or wrong
Someone to sing to me
Some little samba song
Someone to take my heart
And give his heart to me
Someone who's ready to
Give love a start with me

Oh yeah, that would be so nice
I could see you and me, that would be nice

A Matter of National Pride

It seems another of my friends have taken flight and he would soon call Australia his home. He didn't say much when he left but over the years I've known him, it almost seemed like a matter of time that he would leave. The love for this country that has been a home for his life from this point before, had dissipated with each disappointment he expressed whenever we met. He predicts a bleak future if he stays on - a future that would extend into his lineage where his children and their children thereafter would have to suffer. It wasn't one reason that drove him to leave but more like an accumulation of unhappiness.

He wasn't the first and probably wouldn't be the last, what with all the uncertainties in the economy. Whatever happened to national pride? What happened to the burning sense of belonging that invokes songs like the one below:

I Vow to Thee, My Country
Lyrics by Sir Cecil Spring-Rice, Tune by Gustav Holst.

I vow to thee, my country, all earthly things above,
Entire and whole and perfect, the service of my love;
The love that asks no question, the love that stands the test,
That lays upon the altar the dearest and the best;
The love that never falters, the love that pays the price,
The love that makes undaunted the final sacrifice.

And there's another country, I've heard of long ago,
Most dear to them that love her, most great to them that know;
We may not count her armies, we may not see her King;
Her fortress is a faithful heart, her pride is suffering;
And soul by soul and silently her shining bounds increase,
And her ways are ways of gentleness, and all her paths are peace.

Yet who am I to brand him a quitter or a stayer? As a friend, I can only respect his decision - a choice he has made after much deliberation over the years.

The Importance of being Earnest

I had just watched the play The Importance of being Earnest written by Oscar Wilde performed by local production, W!LD RICE. Despite the controversies of the play starring an all-male cast in suits, the script was in fact kept in its original form and overall it turned out to be an excellent performance. The live musical accompaniment by The T’ang Quartet had added the icing on the cake. Details can be found on the SISTIC site.

The plot, to put it briefly, is about 2 young gentlemen living in 1890's England who have taken to bending the truth in order to put some excitement into their lives. John (Jack) Worthing has invented a brother, 'Ernest', whom he uses as an excuse to leave his dull country life behind to visit the ravishing Gwendolyn. Algernon (Algy) Montcrieff decided to take the name 'Ernest' when visiting Worthing's young and beautiful ward, Cecily at the country manor. Things start to go awry when they end up together in country and their deceptions are discovered - threatening to spoil their romantic pursuits.

As with other Oscar Wilde's works, there always seems to be some deeper hidden meaning. Earnest as defined by the dictionary means serious in intention, purpose, or effort; or, showing depth and sincerity of feeling. Upon simple reflection, it is indeed important to be earnest in life. Perhaps I would even go as far as to say that the key to relationships is to be sincere. All people seem to have a knack to feel what someone else's intentions are, without that someone actually telling them.

As perpetuated by the plot, it could be one of the underlying messages is that the truth always prevails. That is why in our pursuits of life, we need to be earnest. We need to be true to ourselves, understand our goals and pursue them with a sincere heart.